Google's Thinking About Women. This what Google believes when it comes to Woman.
See more...
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
*********
2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain
*********
3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.
*********
4. HE's not at his desk. He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk. She must be in the ladies' room.
*********
5. HE's not in the office. He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office. She must be out shopping.
*********
6. HE's having lunch with the boss. He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss. They must be having an affair.
*********
7. The boss criticised HIM. He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticized HER. She'll be very upset.
*********
8. HE got an unfair deal. Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal. Did she cry?
*********
9. HE's going on a business trip. It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip. What does her husband say?
*********
10 . HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable
See more...
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.
7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.
See more...
Occurrence:
Cosmetic shops, Beauty Parlours,Bus stops and Girls Colleges
Extraction:
It never exists in Free State.It is always found in compound state with other elements like Mother,Father and brother etc
Preparation:
It is obtained synthetically by using an along of exchanged look and lovely smile
Physical Properties:
Since the element is always cooled with the cosmetic it is hard to study its physical properties, however some of them are listed below
1) Always tends to be beautiful
2) Dissolve rapidly when admired
3) Weeping points are very low
Chemical Properties:
1) It is highly explosive and attractive in nature
2) Its ionization potential is very high and too much energy is required to break the bond between Miss and Misses
3) Explodes violently when touched
Precautions:
1) As this compound is very valuable so it should be kept in a container of love and gold
2) Never to handle without a car
See more...
Why Men are happier compare to Women ?.
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
********
See more...
Namo-namo patni maharani,
tumhari mahima koi na jani... || 1 ||
Hamne samjha tum abla ho,
par tumto sabse badi bala ho... || 2 ||
Jis din haath me belana aawe,
Uss din PATI khub chillave.... || 3 ||
Saare bed pe PATNI sove,
PATI baith farsh par rove.... || 4 ||
Tumse hi ghar MATHURA KASI,
aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi... . || 5 ||
PATNI CHALISA jo nar gave,
sab sukh chhod param dukh paave..... || 6 ||
Note : This is written in Hindi using english
See more...
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
See more...
Labels: Funny
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
See more...
Is Women are always Clever than Men ? If floowing is true then yes she is.
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."
Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
******
See more...
Labels: Funny
Husband V/S Wife.
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
See more...
Labels: Funny
Humorous e-mail id's of movie stars.
Abhishek Bacchan: I_can_act_too@ yuva.com
Amitabh Bacchan: accept_any_role@ after.kaunbanega crorepati. tv
Anil Kapoor: expert@copyingsouth indianmovies. com
Salman Khan: why_do_I_always_ get_into_ trouble@needagir lfriend.com
Shah Rukh Khan: kkkkkkkkkkk. ...kiran@ mostmovies. com
Ram Gopal Varma: same_formula@ bombayunderworld ghost stories.co.in
Sunil Shetty: hoping_to_be@ indianarnold. com
Aamir Khan: whats_up_with_ the_hairstyle@ mangalpande. com
Aamir Khan(alternate address): married_or_not@ toomanyaffairs. com
Saif Ali Khan: goofy_roles@ suitsmeperfect. com
Hrithik Roshan: main_aisa_kyon_ hoon@howtheheckd oweknow.com
Hrithik Roshan (alternate address): main_aisa_kyon_ hoon@askyourdad. com
Ajay Devgan: finally_I_started_ to_act@aftersoma nyyears.com
Bobby Deol: noone_thinks_ I_can_act@ getanotherjob. com
Sunny Deol: He is still busy fighting Pakistani soldiers. Mail address is a secret.
Urmila: ramgopalvarma_ has_forgotten_ me@nomorerangeel a.com
Mallika Sherawat: I_dont_need_ to_act@overexposure works. com
Amisha Patel: Kaho_na_pyaar_ hai@wasmyonlyhit .com
Kareena Kapoor: oh_iam_so_cute_ and_talented@ nobodyelsethinks so.com
Raveena Tandon: waiting_for_ third_umpire@ stumped.com
See more...
Difference between Wife vs Saali.
*What is the difference between Saali & Wife*
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is Dhamaka
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake, Wife is earth QUAKE
If you have a Saali pass it on to her and let her know How you feel about her.This is your chance
If you haven't got a Saali then still Pass it on to others. let them have a good Laugh.
*Ek Dukhi Pati.
See more...
Labels: Funny
Some Funny Signboards in Africa.
Moses Rubn Omilia's photo of an Arsenal football supporter's home in Uganda is the first in a series of pictures taken of different signs in Africa and sent in by BBC News website readers.
Africa's craze for the English Premiership is captured in Stella Joseph's shot of a salon, or saloon, in the Gambian town of Brikama, where one wonders if only Manchester United fans will be served.
Claire Jaquin sent in this photograph of an advertisement for a salon in Elmina, in Ghana, where clients may wish to say a prayer before having their hair done.
This warning, snapped by Stuart Schaum in South Africa on the way up to the Mozambican border, will give would-be maize thieves something to chew over.
Way down in the south-west of South Africa, chicken farmers show their caring side for restful fowl in this plea to motorists, taken by Etienne Van Straaten in Worcester.
There are signs across the continent warning motorists about out-of-the-ordinary animals, as Marguerite Duponchel found on a visit to South Africa, where she took this shot near Blyde River Canyon.
Arthur Buliva took this picture in the Ghanaian capital, Accra, where the warning appears to be more wishful thinking by town planners.
This Hilton Hotel in elegant decline and all its faded glory was photographed by David Gommeren at Mount Elgon in Uganda, near the border with Kenya.
Georgina Sumner sent in this photograph of a poster literally plastered to the walls of a hospital in Zambia warning of the dangers of sex.
This bookshop in Machakos, Kenya, pictured by Ed Deitzler, appears also to sell cows.
See more...
Labels: Funny
Present For Husband from Beloved Wife.
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"
See more...
Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala.
*************
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
*************
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
*************
Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn menney.
*************
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
*************
What is a Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yay.
*************
Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
*************
Who found out that?
His Andy.
*************
What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
*************
What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
*************
Who is a Malayali's famous yeactor end yaectress?
Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
*************
Why is Kerala the most highly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.
*************
Why are Arab countries looking only for Keralites?
They are ready to do yennything for menney.
*************
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:You should at least send this mail to:
10 Malayalis and you will receive cokknut oil,
20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips,
40 Malayalis you will receive appams,
Send this to 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free.
*************
See more...
Joke : Newton plays Hide n Seek .
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..
Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .
Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."
Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .
Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is
OUT.......!
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..
Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .
Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."
Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .
Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is
OUT.......!
See more...
