The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with
beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard."

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard."

The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom,
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But
no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.. Is that a problem?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "For fifteen
years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to
borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

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FREINDSHIP SMSs Part - 1.

Is duniya me dost kam milenge,
Is duniya me gham hi gham milenge,

Jaha duniya nazar fer legi,
Us mor pe dost tumhe Hum Milenge..

......................................

Zindagi to anjan ho gai thi
Mayusion se ghir ke hairan ho gayi thi
Achanak dekha har taraf khusian hai,
Haan tum jaise dost se pehchan jo ho gayi thi.

......................................

Har dua kabool nahi hoti,
Har aarzoo puri nahi hoti,

Jinke dil me aap jaise dost ho,
Unke liye to dhadkan bhi zaroori nahi hoti.

......................................

Nikalte hai aansu jab mulaqath nahi hoti,
Tut jata hai dil jab baat nahi hoti,

Apni dosti ki kasam o mere dost,
Aisi saans nahi lete jisme aapki yaad nahi hoti

......................................

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Present For Husband from Beloved Wife.

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"

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Joke : Why Wedding Dress is always White.

Son asked his mother:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

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Joke : Newton plays Hide n Seek .

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .

Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....

That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .

Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is

OUT.......!

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Why you always carry my photo ?

Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet to the office. Why?"

Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Wife: "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Hubby: "Yes!! "I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Why do Men marry ?

Bcaz after his death,
if he go to Heaven,
he feels better,
and if he goes to hell,
he feels very homely......


hahaha

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Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.


Poor Bush............hahahaha

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Letter to God

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA,
they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke..

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the
little boy Rs.20.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a
little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you
note to God,
which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ...

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Crap , God don't give any daughter in law like this to anyone.

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in- law arrives in the family, everything changes.

The new wife (progressive Indian woman), was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

As expected she gave a speech, "My dear family,I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.

"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws); Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND Those who used to clean should continue cleaning !!!

"And what are you here for Bahurani?" enquired the mother-in-law.

"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON !!!"

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Lalu Yadav secures job in Microsoft.

Laloo Prasad sent his resumé to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks."

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when allthe guests had come, he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gaya hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad continued, "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa. Par letter angreeji main hai, isliyen saath-saath hindi main anuvaad bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ---- Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab letter vetter bhej ne ka
kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad."

he he he :D :D

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Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announce d that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’ The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.

They never saw the man or his assistant again, only
lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the
WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK !!!!

Souce : millions of monkeys

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